People · Dating and healthy relationships
Green flags and red flags
Healthy relationships rest on good communication, respected boundaries, mutual respect and support, with room for each person's own friends, space and privacy. Red flags: extreme jealousy, cutting you off from friends, insults, controlling your money or your phone, demanding passwords, pressuring you about sex, drugs or alcohol. Even one or two can signal abuse. Talk to an advocate 24/7: 866-331-9474, or text LOVEIS to 22522.
You'll need
- Honest attention to how you feel around this person
What to know
- Know the green flags. Healthy relationships depend on healthy communication, healthy boundaries, mutual respect and support for each other, checking in on each other's needs while giving each other space and privacy. Source: love is respect5
- Test the boundary flag. A healthy partner respects a boundary once you've said it, and you can ask "Is this okay?" without a fight. Source: love is respect3
- Watch for control. Most abusive relationships share one feature: one partner tries to gain power and control over the other. Source: The Hotline1
- Know the emotional red flags: name-calling, telling you what to wear, keeping you from friends or family, blaming you for their behavior, accusing you of cheating, constant checking in or excessive texting, threatening to hurt themselves if you leave. Source: love is respect4
- Know the money red flags: tracking what you buy, putting your paycheck where you can't reach it, limiting your work hours, or using your Social Security number for credit without permission. Source: love is respect4
- Know the digital red flags: telling you who to follow, tracking you on social media, pressuring you for passwords or explicit photos, going through your phone, or using spyware or GPS to monitor you. You never have to share your passwords or send explicit pictures. Source: love is respect4
- Take even one or two red flags seriously; that alone can be a sign abuse may be present. Source: The Hotline1
- Talk to someone. For young people: love is respect, 866-331-9474, or text LOVEIS to 22522. Source: love is respect3 The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Source: The Hotline1
Green flag or red flag?
Drawn from love is respect and the Hotline. Source: love is respectThe Hotline31
| Green flag | Red flag |
|---|---|
| Glad you have time with friends and family | Extremely jealous of your friends; discourages you from seeing them |
| Respects your no the first time | Pressures you about sex, drugs or alcohol |
| Trusts you with your own phone and passwords | Checks your phone, demands passwords, tracks your location |
| Supports your job or school | Keeps you from working or going to school; controls your money |
| Disagrees without insults | Puts you down, especially in front of others |
| Owns their mistakes | Blames you for their behavior; says you're "too sensitive" |
If a friend tells you
"Thank you for telling me. It's not your fault. I'm here for you, whatever you decide." Then share the love is respect number: 866-331-9474.
See it done
Video by love is respect Nonprofit
Is this normal? Getting support when you need it.
2022 · Checked October 3, 2026
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If it doesn't work
- Recognize some red flags? Talk to a trusted friend, family member or mentor, and make a safety plan. Source: love is respect4 The Hotline's advocates can help you build a personalized plan by phone or chat, 24/7. Source: The Hotline2
- Worried about money if you leave? A safety plan can include setting aside funds somewhere separate and private. Advocates can point you to local resources. Source: love is respect4
- Being sexually assaulted is never your fault. Get somewhere safe, reach out to someone you trust, and get medical care as soon as you can; a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner can treat you and collect evidence in case you decide to report later. Source: love is respect4 See Consent, explained.
- Think someone is monitoring your phone or computer? Internet use can be monitored and can't be erased completely; the Hotline suggests calling instead. Source: The Hotline1
Good to know
The details, if you want them. Tap a line to open it.
You're not alone
More than one in ten high school students have experienced physical aggression from a dating partner. Source: love is respect4
Healthy relationships protect
The CDC says promoting healthy, respectful, nonviolent relationships helps prevent intimate partner violence. Source: CDC6
Other helplines
StrongHearts Native Helpline: 844-762-8483. The Deaf Hotline videophone: 855-812-1001. Source: The Hotline1
Take it with you
Printable cardDownload card (PDF)Sources
- National Domestic Violence Hotline Warning signs of abuse
- National Domestic Violence Hotline Plan for safety
- love is respect What are my boundaries?
- love is respect Types of abuse
- love is respect Everyone deserves a healthy relationship
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention About intimate partner violence
Lesson R6.1 · Last checked October 2, 2026 against the sources listed.
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