Setting a boundary

A boundary is what you're okay with and how you want to be treated, with a partner, roommate, friend, parent or boss. Decide your line, then say it once, directly, with an "I" statement: "I'm okay texting during the day, but not multiple times an hour." Rehearse it, keep any explanation brief (no is a complete sentence), and decide ahead of time what you'll do if it's ignored. If you're afraid to bring it up because of how they'll react, that's a warning sign.

What to know

1. Figure out your line. Pay attention to what makes you uncomfortable, what's important to you, what you want to keep private, and any dealbreakers. Writing it down helps.
2. Know that boundaries can be emotional, physical or digital. Examples: following each other on social media but not sharing passwords; holding hands but not in public; quiet time to yourself every day.
3. Write out what you'll say and rehearse it out loud, or role-play with a friend and ask for honest feedback.
4. Say it with an "I" statement, simple, specific and clear: "I'd like you to knock before coming in," not "You never respect my privacy".
5. Keep explanations short. No is a complete sentence, and you don't owe a reason. If an explanation fits, keep it brief.
6. Back it with body language: stand or sit upright, face the person, keep regular eye contact, a neutral expression and uncrossed arms.
7. If you're too upset, wait until you're calmer, if you can. See Cooling down before you respond.
8. Decide your follow-through before the conversation. If it's ignored, repeat it once, calmly. If it keeps happening, act on what you decided: leave the room, end the call, stop lending money, or spend less time with that person.